Lessons in Life

I’m feeling better.
I think it has sunk in.
There are definitely times that I suddenly have this overwhelming bout of emotions to lament over the same few things
and moments that I desperately wish that he didn’t go to the toilet alone and that he’s still alive and kicking…
But I’m slowly coming to accept it.

Through this, I learn.
I learnt to accept that accidents can happen to anyone at all, and nobody’s an exception.
I learnt that people can suddenly go, and you might not have a chance to say your last goodbyes.
And I learnt that you need to spend enough time with your loved ones, show them care and concern, so that you don’t have regrets if they, or even yourself, do leave suddenly someday.
I learnt that you can’t carry your money to your grave, so why not do good with the spare cash that you don’t need?

It’s funny how my dad’s life and character slowly unravels to me after he’s gone.
Stories I hear from my aunts, uncles and mother.
Things I never knew.
I knew so little about him, that every little thing I can touch now is so precious.

All along, I somehow felt that he’s a lonely father and husband, although I always knew that he’s a great one at that.
I took for granted that he wouldn’t disappear so young and I would still have time to make up for lost time at some point in my life.
Just not now, I thought.
Perhaps its the way we’ve been brought up, or perhaps its our characters, a trait that’s prominent in my dad, brother and myself.
I’m almost completely unable to express affection towards my family.

Through this, I also learn.
I refuse to go there with my own family in the future.
I want a happy, loving family.
Too bad, so sad, my kids won’t be able to meet their amazing grandpa.

Oh shit, why did I blog myself to tears again!?
Hahaha…