The Why’s of Men

Received this from Aunt BK…

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
because they are plugged into a genius

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?  
they don't have enough time

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
they don't stop to ask directions

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
you need a rough draft before you make a final copy

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
don't know.....it never happened

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
because a vibrator can't mow the lawn

Funny Signs

Chicken or Eagle?

Once there was a chicken farmer who was an avid rock climber.

One day, climbing a particularly challenging rock face, he came upon a wide ledge.

On the ledge was a big nest and in the nest there were three large eggs.
Eagle eggs.

He knew it was very un-ecological, and definitely illegal, however temptation got the better of him and he discreetly put one of the eagle eggs in his rucksack.

Then he climbed down and went back to his ranch, and put the egg in the hen house.

That night the mother hen sat on the huge egg, the proudest chicken you've ever seen (and the cock seemed pretty pleased with himself as well!).

In the fullness of time the egg hatched and the baby eagling emerged. It looked around and saw the mother hen.

"Mama!" it squawked.

As time passed the eagle grew up with its brother and sister chicks. It learnt to do all the things that chickens do.

It clucked and cackled, it scratched in the dirt for worms, flapping its wings furiously, and flying a few feet into the air before crashing to earth in a pile of dust and feathers.

And believing above all things that it was totally a chicken.

Year after year passed, until one bright sunny day the eagle-who-thought-it-was-a-chicken, looked up into the sky.

High overhead, soaring majestically on the thermal currents, flying effortlessly with scarcely a beat of its powerful golden wings, was an eagle.

"What's that?" said the eagle-who-thought-it-was-a-chicken in awe to a farmyard neighbour.

"Its magnificent. So much power and grace. Poetry in motion."

"That's an eagle," said the chicken. "That's the King of the Birds. It's a bird of the air. However we, we're only chickens, we're birds of the earth."

And so it was, the eagle lived and died a chicken, because that's all it thought it was.

Now there are very few soaring eagles in this world.

Most people listen and look to other chickens and follow their lead.

You can never attain the great heights of success by having unsuccessful role-models. And following the mass can only end up in mediocrity.

blurry dream

he was just sitting there, smiling away
there was a butterfly, or was it a small flame, fluttering in front of his face
and he was blowing at it, simply enjoying himself.
he looked really happy.

then i woke up
and i was sobbing, my pillows were wet.

Unspoken thoughts

I was taking a late afternoon nap last Tuesday.
The sun has almost set by the time I got awoken by the unlocking of the doors on the 19^th storey.
Dad’s home. Oh wait, he’s not. It’s my brother.

-

It’s a regular Saturday night.
I got home after dinner, and I’m just using my laptop, as usual.
My mom and brother came home together today.
I continue using my computer.
Mother told me to drink soup, so I did.
When I was done, I decided to brush my teeth.
As I was making my way to the toilet, I glanced in my dad’s room and noticed that the lights were switched off.
He’s not home yet.

Clearing out my wardrobe

As well as my Dad’s.

Now I know where my genes of keeping silly things like empty plastic bags and nice brochures came from :p

And I found out he’s a great fan of Goldlion. 90% of his clothes are from there! And he already bought new year clothes for this year, from Goldlion as well. Still in it’s packaging. He should totally get a loyalty award from them.

I really do miss that man.

I was just filling out a job application form
and there’s a column for Family Particulars and Emergency Contact.

I can’t fill in Kua Chee Keong, Father, anymore.

Live like there’s no tomorrow

Recently, I contemplated heading to Taiwan to work. And then today, there’s news about the earthquake. So it’s probably not that great an idea. Perhaps the best thing to do is to stay put in boring but safe ol’ Singapore.

At times I just think, does it matter? Who doesn’t die? It’s just a matter of time. Even in Singapore, you might just get knocked down by a car, or something. Life is fragile, yes, but if you’ve to be so extremely cautious and ban yourself from doing what your heart desires, what does that make of your life? Did you live happily in those 80 years of your life? Or did you have 3 awesome decades without having regrets of not accomplishing things you’ve always wanted to do?

Do we have to limit our experiences only to ease our parents’ worry? It’s our life, isn’t it? Not theirs.

Why make plans, when plans fall apart anyway? When you don’t know if you’re even going to make it till tomorrow?